Sports Illustrated Response Letter

The document above is my response to the following link. I copy and pasted it below.


An old man walks into a bar…
And wishes death upon millions!

There’s not much of a point in buying a sports magazine if the cover story is fashion. The newsstands are filled with fashion periodicals. But, I get it. It’s a culture thing, right? Plus, it’s the middle of summer, there’s nothing to watch but America’s declining pastime. There’s a need to fill pages and sell magazines. Hold on, what is this? An article on a sporting event? A boxing match. Oh, wait. Charles Pierce is heading in a really negative direction with his point of view. He’s not even going to watch it? Oh wow. He’d rather see $175 million just burn? Interesting. But wait. Aren’t they just using the same tactics and tools to sell tickets as this magazine uses to sell its products? McGregor even has a fashion line. And he’s selling clothes too? What a shocker. I guess when you’re so sensitized to focus on what’s going on around a sport, you lose perspective of the sport itself. Seems to me you’re allowing the “ballyhoo” to distract you.
Let’s start with the first and most glaring ad hominem in the article, choosing to add the sentence about Mayweather being a notorious beater of women. What a jab! What a strike! Damn. Cool down Pierce! You’re going to knock ‘em out in the first round and this fight will end in quick disappointment. I guess we should pay more attention to the personal lives of the entertainment business. Oh, wait. Too late! I can’t believe you watch any sports Pierce! Pretty slim pickings after you undress the moral code of every person you choose to let entertain you. I’m not defending what Mayweather does or doesn’t do to women. I’m choosing to not give it credence in his fighting ability and records. I’m looking at the talent part we all choose to spend our hardworking money on in a variety of sport entertainment. Does O.J still have his Heisman? Does Cosby still have his Golden Globe?
McGregor is going to get tattooed beyond his present state of body art? Even us who really don’t know anything about boxing know this – Mayweather is known for his defense and strategy…not his knock-outs. Or “tattooing” anybody. Relax.
Thirty-two showers and the burning of $175 million seems a bit drastic. Since objectivity lives nowhere inside this article, I guess there’s room for outrageous similes and strange words. “Ballyhoo” What? And these similes…you didn’t have to tell us your age. You’re old, we get it. Saying “I’d rather watch $175 million burn” is a claim made by senile old men. Be more creative than that. Or say you want to help starving people. Let me roll my eyes at something with a good cause. Also, thirty-two showers? At 63? Aren’t you pruned up enough? And what about the drought? What about all the places with dirty water and people dying of dehydration. Seems to me you’d rather waste gallons of water washing yourself continuously than help those dying from disease, say cholera. The only one wishing for death is you!
This Caligula reference is so vague, and it’s more archaic than the horse you rode in on. Would Caligula be okay with any current state of sport? Athletes around the business are making boat loads of money. Does Caligula only draw the line at boxing? His horse must be the type that’s holding Kevin Durant on a pedestal. OOooooOOoooo, he took a few dollars less “for his team” What a saint! What a joke. He’s still making over $25 million to play a sport. He’s not self-less, he’s smart. He’ll be on a winning team. Don’t winning teams get a bonus? Don’t they get more coverage? Don’t they get more sponsorships?
That all being said, aren’t all sports a festival for fools? Carnivals of greed? Show me a mainstream sport not trying to make money. Show me a stadium hosting professional events not charging $10 for a beer. I’ll wait.
The simile game comes full force with this imaginary raccoon fighting an imaginary 18-wheeler. Again, with the killing. Why are you wishing death upon an innocent raccoon? The politically correct ego stokers aren’t going to like that one Pierce! But I guess you did also want to waste gallons of water with your thirty-two showers a day and watch $175 million burn. The difference between this article and human sacrifice? Pierce wants to kill off innocent spectators and raccoons. At least in Ullameliztli, I’m assuming your favorite sport to watch as a little boy, chooses guilty prisoners to fight to the death. I’m not one for public beheadings, but I’d rather see the life of a convict taken away than innocent raccoons and people watching two people professionally box in an apparently bacterial infested stadium.
Pierce chooses to save his best for last. Before reading this article, I viewed this fight as one between an aging hall of fame boxer and an established and exciting champion of mixed martial arts. I guess though, it’s between a woman-beating black man and a racist white man. I suppose this an attempt to bond and reach out to the politically correct population of our culture. Are you trying to make up for killing an innocent raccoon and depriving people of clean water? I guess taking risks in editorial journalism is a thing of the past. But it’s a past that must have passed right by this sixty something. Seems like popularity and publish-ability is just based on as much irrelevant b/s you can find to support.
An old dog barking at me because I pass his owners house from the sidewalk doesn’t make me want to go pet that dog and calm it down. Reading an article by a sixty-three-year-old man that includes Caligula references and uses the word “ballyhoo” doesn’t make me want to agree with him and pet his ego. In fact, it makes me want to do the exact opposite of what he says. I wasn’t going to watch this fight, but now I might. I hope the next dog that is on an evening stroll poops all over your lawn and the owner forgot their plastic baggies. Keep your life and death fear mongering journalism out of sports. Until then, would you mind cutting this chicken breast on my plate? I’m incapable of doing it myself.
-Kane Bergstrom